On Saturday my lovely eldest son, Charlie had his 10th birthday party. His birthday was a few weeks ago but he likes to have his party a few weeks after that just to prolong the celebration I think!!! It turned out to be a lovely afternoon and about 30 children came who were all well mannered and well behaved! Even my children behaved themselves which was great as I am sure they choose the busiest places to generally try and embarrass me! I cleverly each let them invite a friend though..you cant outsmart mummy! The children danced and joined in and laughed and all seemed to get along really well with nobody being left out.

I was so glad though that everything went well because I was worried and kept awake for days before! I worry that people wont come and if they do come they won't enjoy it or they won't like the food or entertainment. This is the reason I would and have never had my own birthday party!! Its my 40th next year and I would probably cry if I thought of having a party!! My sister on the other hand loves organising parties and is fantastic at it!!! She had a folder and just knew exactly what everyones jobs would be and exactly what needed to be done. I, on the other hand, forgot to give out invitations to my sons christening as I just assumed people would come!!

My sister is a fantastic organiser and really should think of going into some kind of planning job. I am just someone who is happy to go along with things and help. Its fascinating how people can be so different but it also makes life interesting and we certainly need all kinds of people to make life go along smoothly.

If I see a film that involves Autism I will try and watch it as my girls have Autism and I like to see if there are any tips or anything at all that could help with our lives. More often than not however the films or programmes are really not that great or representative of hardly any person with Autism that I know. Many years ago now, however, I watched a fabulous movie called Snow Cake. Not to give away too much of the plot, it involved a man that was on a trip and ended up meeting a young lady called Vivienne and circumstances saw him going to meet her mother called Linda who is a High Functioning Autistic lady. I enjoyed the film very much and a huge factor in that was because it starred my favourite actor, Alan Rickman. How I adore that man!!

Today I found out the devastating news that this fantastic actor and man has sadly passed away due to cancer. I have spent so many years watching his films, joining fan groups and finding out all I can about him that today it feels as if I have lost a friend. He is such a talented actor with so many different roles from hairdresser in Blow Dry, to his humorous part in Dogma to his bad guy parts in Die Hard, Robin Hood and of course Harry Potter. And who else can compare to that velvet voice!!!

It also shows how equal we all are in the eyes of cancer. It doesn't matter who a person is and fame, riches or poverty matter not at all to it. I hope by the times my children are parents or grandparents no one else will be writing about that horrid disease taking the life far too soon of anybody else.

Here we go!!!!

I always wanted to write a diary, my whole life and I have bought so many I cant even tell you how many!! I would love it as a child, and an adult, at Christmas when I would open a present and there would be a brand new diary, just ready for me to start to write my innermost thoughts and good or bad things that may have happened to me in the day.  I had so much fun choosing just the perfect pen and deciding whether I should leave the front page blank and excited about the whole thing, yes even as a 30 year old I would still get the excitement.

Then it would be March and the diary would still be blank or at the most have two entries which were so perfectly written that I could have copied them from a book. And I have no idea why! Some reasons I think is that I always worried if I wrote what I really felt and someone found it they may be offended or think differently about me. Or it may be because I really hate to think of bad things!!! im someone that prefers to deal with it tomorrow so if I wrote it in my diary it becomes real! or maybe its just because I'm a little boring!!! I don't really do much apart from everyday Mum things. I have interests and hobbies and I'm always trying new things but they are things like card making or growing seeds or learning to make my own clothes...not things like skydiving or mountain climbing or much that if someone did find my diary, they would think I was such an interesting person!! 

However, I decided recently that we are all climbing our own mountains whether they seem small to others or not. I have four wonderful children who make life very interesting especially as my daughters have Autism and my son is being assessed for certain things..maybe ADD. And my littlest man has started school so I'm still trying to deal with being just me for a lot of the time again and finding out who I am. So, although I'm not out scuba diving ( i'm not fond of the water..strange as we live 2 minutes from the beach!!) I am doing my own things and making memories (even though my son said he would remember forever how I wouldn't let him eat chocolate at 2am this morning) and in all honesty it will probably be March and no one will have probably read this anyway but that's ok because I am determined to be myself and record my memories, good and bad now and maybe when I'm older I will look back and think that actually my life was just a little bit interesting!!!